Old Mister Mallard Book

Now available in my Etsy store!

Old Mister Mallard, Part 9

Old Mister Mallard loves to dance! His jig of choice is a flamboyant, jittery number that has been passed down in secret for hundreds of years among the citizens of the nearby town. As fate would have it, this seemingly innocuous set of movements is actually a mole-seal conjuring ritual. Once Old Mister Mallard is finished with his self-expression, hundreds of misguided, purple mole-seals will be flopping around on the topsoil like rubbery yams.

Old Mister Mallard, Part 8

Old Mister Mallard feels motivated to work out every once in a while, and, when he does, he uses an exercise bike that's been in the backyard of his farmhouse longer than even he's been living there. In reality, this bike is anchored to the ground and has cables running from its front wheel to a subterranean system of gears directly coupled to the secret gyroscope at the center of the Earth. Every 20-min of Old Mister Mallard's workout adds 5 seconds to the year. Scientist chalk it up to dark matter, but those extra hours are just Old Mister Mallard getting in shape.

I Made Playing Cards!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Old Mister Mallard story to bring you a special announcement!  I've created a Kickstarter campaign for a deck of playing cards featuring my monsters!  Take a look at this link:  Orbital / Primeval Playing Cards!

Old Mister Mallard, Part 7

Old Mister Mallard secretly loved it when the ghosts of his grandparents would come and visit him, even though it also kind of scared him. His subdued fear was endearing to hologram-ma, though hologram-pa was not amused. His real grandparents are alive and well thanks to modern medicine and live retired in Brazil. Hologram-pa has attempted numerous times to explain their simple, off-the-shelf, hologram nature, but, in a breach of protocol that got these holographic units pulled from retail in the first place, hologram-ma encourages Old Mister Mallard's outburst of emotion whenever they materialize in the living room.