Old Mister Mallard Book

Now available in my Etsy store!

Old Mister Mallard, Part 9

Old Mister Mallard loves to dance! His jig of choice is a flamboyant, jittery number that has been passed down in secret for hundreds of years among the citizens of the nearby town. As fate would have it, this seemingly innocuous set of movements is actually a mole-seal conjuring ritual. Once Old Mister Mallard is finished with his self-expression, hundreds of misguided, purple mole-seals will be flopping around on the topsoil like rubbery yams.

Old Mister Mallard, Part 8

Old Mister Mallard feels motivated to work out every once in a while, and, when he does, he uses an exercise bike that's been in the backyard of his farmhouse longer than even he's been living there. In reality, this bike is anchored to the ground and has cables running from its front wheel to a subterranean system of gears directly coupled to the secret gyroscope at the center of the Earth. Every 20-min of Old Mister Mallard's workout adds 5 seconds to the year. Scientist chalk it up to dark matter, but those extra hours are just Old Mister Mallard getting in shape.

I Made Playing Cards!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Old Mister Mallard story to bring you a special announcement!  I've created a Kickstarter campaign for a deck of playing cards featuring my monsters!  Take a look at this link:  Orbital / Primeval Playing Cards!

Old Mister Mallard, Part 7

Old Mister Mallard secretly loved it when the ghosts of his grandparents would come and visit him, even though it also kind of scared him. His subdued fear was endearing to hologram-ma, though hologram-pa was not amused. His real grandparents are alive and well thanks to modern medicine and live retired in Brazil. Hologram-pa has attempted numerous times to explain their simple, off-the-shelf, hologram nature, but, in a breach of protocol that got these holographic units pulled from retail in the first place, hologram-ma encourages Old Mister Mallard's outburst of emotion whenever they materialize in the living room.

Old Mister Mallard, Part 6

Old Mister Mallard has a favorite swimming hole very close to his house that he frequents several times a week. He'd tell you that he enjoys the feeling of the mud at the bottom on his feet. In actuality, the depths of this particular pond happen to be a spatially-locked time portal to the precambrian era, and the "mud" he believes himself to be sinking his webbed limbs into is a gargantuan, prehistoric amoeba. Luckily for Old Mister Mallard, this amoeba is by no means metabolically enabled to eat duck, though it's uncannily enabled to be annoyed by the farmer's kicking and poking.

Old Mister Mallard, Part 5

Old Mister Mallard thinks he's dreaming, thinks he's a little dizzy, and thinks he forgot to close his refrigerator. He thinks these three things at the exact same moment because, in reality, he currently has three thinking brains. Due to being temporarily cursed by a malicious, supernatural force that goes by the name Slix D'mono, Old Mister Mallard has been seraphically transfigured. When he turns back to normal in a couple of hours, he'll hopefully remember to not read out loud random lines from any ancient texts he finds buried around his property.

Old Mister Mallard, Part 4

Old Mister Mallard has a lucky shovel. He found it in the woods near his farm and has been using it help him garden around his house. All is not how it seems, however, as the "shovel" is actually a radioactive beacon that has fallen off of a de-orbiting satellite. Just a few more weeks, and Old Mister Mallard's rose garden will be in full bloom...full, glow-in-the-dark, man-eating-mutant-flower bloom.

Old Mister Mallard, Part 3

Old Mister Mallard always had to try catching frogs whenever he came across one. He was as determined in this endeavor as he was consistently unsuccessful, which has caused him to be the subject of several virally popular FrogTube channels on the Frognet. Frogs would often dare each other to reveal themselves to Old Mister Mallard and then secretly record the antics that ensued. His bumbling attempts to capture frogs have launched the careers of a few of the largest FrogTube personalities, though he knows nothing of his involvement.

Old Mister Mallard, Part 2

Old Mister Mallard thought that the prize onion he found in his vegetable garden would win him first prize at the county fair...little did he know that the "onion" he found was actually Empress Syrkry-Allotte from Orbium, the capital planet of the constellation Gellexium. He was more proud of this "onion" than his bright red boots...he's gonna be devastated once the alien Empress proclaims dominion over the county fair.

Old Mister Mallard, Part 1

Old Mister Mallard usually rode his donkey when he went to the market, but, recently, the grey beast has been acting strangely. Unbeknownst to Old Mister Mallard, his mount is actually stuck in a debilitating mental state of unmitigated awe and wonder, a byproduct of an extra-dimensional virus that's transforming it's face and causing it to drool a splashing, iridescent liquid. Old Mister Mallard's powers of perception are such that he just assumes that his pet is having an "off-day."

I Got Interviewed!!!

I got interviewed recently by ComicsPRSS in their YouTube studio! It was really fun! Check out the video link to see me talk about my games and other art projects! We also play Lorestar and it turns out to be a really good game!

Tube World Scene: Vending Roost

This little shack serves as an enclosure wherein tube world explorers can buy supplies.

Tube World Scene: Entrance to the Caves

Word to the wise, there's a trick to descending into the caves on the tube world.

Tube World Scene: Tubey Forest

Clambering from tube to tube, the tube world explorers search for treasure!

Tube World Scene: Underground Cave

The underground caves on the tube world have bizarre properties.

Tube World Scene: The Landscape

This alien planet is covered in tubes!

Tube World Scene: The Landing

The landing of the face-fronted ship onto the tube world.

Skeletal Hallucination 2

Here's another common vision that's often seen scampering underground on the tube planet.

I promise, all this tube planet stuff is for a real side project!

Updated Etsy Store

Lots of items have been added to my Etsy store that were previously only available at conventions and art events! Check out the link to see wild, self-published, handmade comics, zines, games, and other stuff!

LINK TO ETSY STORE

Skeletal Hallucination 1

This is a horrifying hallucination that travelers to the tube-covered planet may see.

Flask

Sorry for the mundane post today, but I'm still posting assets from this weird, tube-world project, and this is one of them.  Things will get interesting again next Monday.

Crystal Dagger

A crytalline weapon that serves as a prize for an alien game...

Tube World Spacecraft

This spacecraft takes people from many different planets to the tube planet.

Tube World Explorer 6

This explorer has a tubey fella on his back.  Is it giving him good advice?

Happy New Year, by the way!